Post-COVID Grief ... About Work?
Recently, during a monthly coffee chat with HR leaders, one colleague shared a tiresome conflict: Some bosses assume it’s just a matter of time before all employees are back in the office, and reality checks are meaningless.
“What don’t they get?” Sonya exclaimed. “We just had the most profitable quarter in our history. Employee satisfaction is way up. When we negotiate for hybrid work, they want to dictate what days everyone will show up together. If we follow their wishes, we are going to have a mass exodus of employees and a small pool to recruit from. This is all so obvious. What gives? We need to move on.”
“It sounds like grief,” I said.
While I’m no grief counselor, I flashed on Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s Five Stages of Grief:
1) Denial: By insisting we can go back to a pre-COVID work world, some business leaders cannot acknowledge that the good ol’ days are gone forever. Dead. There might be some element of golden-age thinking going on here, too.
2) Anger: Accusing employees who accept, even welcome, the new world order of betrayal. Threatening employees who do not comply with their wishes with a host of consequences including termination—to no avail. (Think King Lear.)
3) Bargaining: Pleading for way to maintain some control: “If I can’t keep them in the office full-time, can I at least make them come to the office on the days of my choosing?”
4) Depression: “It’s becoming clear that I will not win this battle.” And a deep, personal sadness sets in.
5) Acceptance: The ability to face the truth, acknowledge the loss, and move on.
I suspect a generational component to this transition. Resisting the new work-from-home paradigm are the leaders in the older generations; promoting it are younger generations.
How can one generation’s loss be another generation’s win?
From my point of view, this is also an opportunity to build intergenerational cohesion and empathy. If we are to resolve this workplace friction, we must build empathy for one other. And that begins with understand where the other person/generation is coming from.
Traditionalists and Boomers typically deeply appreciate the physical workplace in ways that the younger generations (Xers, Millennials, Zs) don’t. The workplace holds positive connotations, boundaries around time and space, and camaraderie. Work plays a huge part in identity for them, and for me, work has been my happy place. (Emphasis on place.)
But for younger generations, work isn’t a place, but a thing, and it can happen anywhere, anytime. Technology makes this possible, efficient and highly profitable.
No wonder there’s tension here—work means different things for different generations. And that’s okay.
As a boomer, based on my life experiences, work is a place with positive connotations. There are boundaries around time and space, personal connections, community, camaraderie. The only thing I knew about the high-tech world to come was what I saw on The Jetsons—clearly, I am not into sci-fi. Our analog world was people-based. Top priority was on face-to-face interaction. My work defines who I am, and it gives me meaning. Money is an outward manifestation of my devotion to work. Work for me, has been my happy place. (Emphasis on place.)
Fast forward to Millennials, for whom work isn’t a place, but a thing, and it can happen anywhere, anytime. While some young gens may live to work—most see work as a means to enjoy their life outside of work. Technology makes this possible, efficient, and highly profitable. Off-site work is proven to be less stressful and can lead to higher engagement for younger generations.
Yowzer—no wonder this is causing tension. But before we fall into a despair about an insurmountable generation gap, let’s take stock of the shared values we find in every generation. Scott Lesnic, president of Successful Business Solutions, says that ALL generations share the same values when it comes to the need to feel respected and listened to.
I suspect that before Acceptance can complete the grief process, leaders need an opportunity to memorialize what a pre-COVID workplace meant to them, and younger generations would honor them by simply listening. Understanding your generational counterparts’ feelings about work, and recognizing the grief cycle is a good place to start. Listen to, grieve, and validate the other generation. A little compassionate empathy can go a long way.
So, younger gens, now that you know your generational counterparts’ probable grief cycle, here’s a question for you: Can you turn your bewilderment into compassion?
A Compassion-Infused Remedy
So now that we know what we know about the workplace and how the different generations experience work, what can we do to forge forward together? How does that compassion play out in the workplace?
HR leaders: Can you find opportunities for the generations to come together? You could have a series of three strategic meetings together:
Meeting One: Older Leaders Share / Younger Gens Listen
Young Gens: Let your elders know you respect them, you want to learn from them, and you share their goal in achieving success. This might be a good time to ask them what it was like to begin careers when they were age. What has been the biggest change? What has stayed the same? What’s the funniest thing that ever happened? Biggest blooper (where no one died)? What’s your hope for the future of the company? Imagine I am your younger self—what would you tell me? And if you feel like you’ve build enough relational capitol by then: “What’s hardest for you about off-site work?”
Meeting Two: Younger Gens Share/ Older Leaders listen
Let younger gens talk about how off-site work has improved their output and mental health. What’s hard about face-to-face? What are the pros and cons of a face-to-face meeting verses a virtual one? What makes a face-to-face meeting work? How does face-to-face fit into their vision of the future of work?
Meeting Three: The Remix
All generations decide together what to. Keep best on-site practices and best off-site practices. Tweak the practices that need adjustments before you keep them. Eliminate practices that are unproductive, clunky, or awkward for everyone. Replace them with new practices that will make the hybrid workplace both unique and effective. Lindsey Pollak explains this in her book, “The Remix: How to Lead and Succeed in the Multigenerational Workplace.” (Worth your read!)
Outcome
As you work together to listen and understand each other, that understanding begins to replace division. Cross-generational relationships are being formed and so are opportunities for co-mentoring, which allows the older gens to help set the next generation up for success and secure their own legacy. Eventually, slowly and surely, a multi-generational taskforce will emerge—and even an employee resource group could be established for follow up and continuing conversations.
In my next conversation with Sonya or anyone else feeling some heartburn from this new season of work, I’d encourage her to start a conversation where listening is valued and compassion is practiced above all else. I wonder how that just might change a little bit of the tide and dispel some friction.
Disclaimer: Generalizing about gen differences, individuals do not always identify with social criteria used to describe their age group. Never assume one size fits all when it comes Gen Diversity and Inclusion…but it’s still good to ask and listen!