My Mentor Story: I Still Want To Be Her
I was leading a theatre in education program for a local theatre that conducted artist residencies in local schools. I was doing my best on the training I had, but I knew something was missing. We were not connecting authentically with our students; the art was a little too superficial. I knew it was capable of leading us to deeper truth, but I was confounded on how to get there. I had exhausted my resources and knowledge.
So there I was, thirty-something, in the supposed prime of my career, stuck and without a clue as to how to get unstuck.
After mentioning the quandary to a colleague, she said she knew someone who may be able to help–and that she happened to be in the area. (This was before the internet, and the expert was based in the United Kingdom.) Maybe she could come in and conduct a workshop.
That’s when it happened.
The Lightning
When she began the workshop, I had one of those epiphany moments.
That’s what I’m looking for. That’s what I need. I want to be you! I love what you do, the way you do it, and the difference your work can make in people’s lives!
Her methodology was completely different; she was from a different culture, which shaped her experiences and body of work. She knew how to explode stereotypes and form communities in a more meaningful way. I knew it was what I needed because we were both having fun while connecting with the content on a deeper level. It was perfect.
Cecily came to have the most profound effect on my career trajectory.
Right away, I felt energized, filled with curiosity, and hopeful. But how would this work, with her in London and me in Detroit—in a low-connectivity world? In a stroke of synchronicity, Cecily took a guest professorship offer in a neighboring state, and we were good to go.
The Highlights
In the early ‘90s. formal mentoring wasn’t the thing it is today; our relationship was informal, but no less life-changing.
Here’s how it worked:
We got to know, like and trust each other as people while sharing our passion for drama.
I valued her time and did not ask for help on inconsequential matters. Thus, when I did reach out, she responded quickly.
I tried to be as succinct as I could about what was happening, but frequently she was the person who could hear what was not being said. She asked the right probing questions, and help me make connections so I could move to the next step.
More than once I thought I had done irreparable damage to myself and others through a failed a project. Cecily pulled me from the abyss with stories of her own lessons gone wrong. Tears turned into chuckles.
We hit a rough spot in the late ‘90’s when she served on my PhD dissertation committee. My literature review was not up to her standards and she let me know it. I knew she confronted me because she cared, and I stepped up and fixed it. That was proof of a real mentoring relationship—when hard truths must be confronted, but trust and respect dispel the urge for a temper tantrum.
We found new synergy when she recognized my work and later said she knew I “got it.”
I’ve had many colleagues whose companionship, courage, and support I treasure. And yes, I even found my mentor through one. But it wouldn’t be fair to ask them to mentor me; I would exhaust them. We’re better off happily trekking to our destinations together.
Thanks to Cecily, I could sense my calling and deepen it. I learned things that were not taught in the classroom, because she taught me how to innovate. She modeled, and I mimicked. She asked me to find my own problems and guided me through finding the solutions. We did this over and over again until, after a while, I only needed help with the unexpected.
I Still Want To Be Her
Could I do what I’m doing now without Cecily’s mentoring? Honestly, no. We all stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us—those who loved us into being. I’m grateful Cecily’s were strong enough to carry me.
Through Cecily, I learned to see in myself what she saw when we first met. She had loved me into being.
After I completed my degree program, it was time for me to own my instincts and skills, and take responsibility my wins and losses. Organically we switched from mentor/mentee to colleagues and even friends. That was 35 years ago. Cecily is now retired, back in London, and has become a playwright and director.
And once again, I want to be her!